My Masquerade

Life truly can be a wonderful thing...

2008-12-08T08:44:00.003+11:00

... There are always subtle hints that remind you that life truly can be a wonderful thing if you allow it to be. At nearly 3am, I had another one of those reminders.

It was then that the last few minutes of the film Beautiful Thing were playing. It was that very moment when I saw it the first time around that I knew that love could always exist despite rough circumstances. It was also at that time that I appreciated The Mamas & The Papas and Mama Cass just that bit more (if you've seen the film you would know why).

Why I try and make life as hard as I do for myself I will never know. I always have this thought buried in the back of my mind that I'm not good enough as a person to be happy; that I haven't done enough to meet him and I shut myself off; the only things and people I would allow myself to adore are those I know I could never have. How wrong could I be. Everyone is worth it, no matter who they are. Everybody deserves the emotion of love.

There's no point in saying 'I renew myself to be better', 'I want to start achieving everything' etc etc, cause let's face it, I've been blabbing on about it for a while.

I woke up this morning as a different person, and I hope to keep it that way.

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Birds singing in a sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

A christmas video to get into the holiday season...

2008-12-06T17:11:00.002+11:00

19 Days to go!

Forgive me father, for I have sinned...

2008-12-03T23:09:00.003+11:00

... yes, I will be the first to admit it. Wes Carr's song is on my iPod. And I like it. Don't know why... I have really hated the last few winner's singles (Night of My Life was alright though). It's just so darn catchy I tells ya! Kinda surprised it didn't debut at #1... turns out people like Lady GaGa more. Good for them.

Doing the template for reports look so darn official, and regular. I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of regularity; you've always got to have variance on your life. The only thing I like to have fixed is the hours that I work; that's it. Nothing more.

I just had another look at my 'to do' list. Damn it's long. And yet I don't want to cut any of it out. Go figure.

I'm buying myself a Christmas present this week; I'm adopting a koala. I'd love to own a koala, but living in a unit... kind of unpractical for that I think. I'd highly recommend adopting if you have the inclination/funds, it's $40 a year. Message me if you want the link (purely because I can't be buggered finding it now).

Back to writing for me; currently reviewing the new So Fresh compilation. Alive by Natalie Bassingthwaithe has just started playing. Eek. Between me and you, hope it picks up!

I would like to...

2008-12-03T10:54:00.003+11:00

... Become an elected member of parliament by 2030

... Have written (and have had published) my first book within the next three years

... Complete no less than four university degrees (plus other study through TAFE etc) in areas that interest me

... "Retire" by the age of 40 and spend the remainder of my life either doing the things that I enjoy, travel, and devote the rest of my life to charity work

... Go to acting classes/school and be in at least one small but nevertheless worthwhile production at a local theatre

... Become a model, to remove the utterly annoying stereotype that models have buckley's intelligence... just to spite

... Ensure that all people have equal legal rights, not only here in Australia, but around the world; an activist I think is a title that would suit me well

... Be able to influence political leaders; and make them realize that there wrong in the world that needs to be fixed

... Establish and run my own print magazine; yes, they are becoming extinct, but it's something I've always wanted

... Create my own independent record label

... Walk from Sydney to Melbourne and raise a bucketload of cash for charity in the process

... Be there for ANY ONE who needs support

... Have a substantially large portfolio of investments (but who doesn't?)

... Build houses that support families require to travel to urban areas for medical reasons, and for those who have been kicked out of their own home

... Have less people living on the streets; and for those unlucky ones that have to, make sure they regularly have food and clean water available to them

... Write and develop my own television sitcom

... Learn how to be a DJ, and be a good one at that

... Learn the skill of fire twirling. The people I have seen do it are absolutely incredible; I am envious of their skill

... Love somebody, and be loved in return

... Have three wonderful children; two girls and a boy

... Become a personal trainer

... Own a Dance Dance Revolution machine; I've always wanted one!

... Create a short film about the change and evolution of the world

... Create a music video (tacky I know, but it would be uber fun!); perhaps even be in one too

... Take up more sports; like Squash, Tennis, Swimming, Ten Pin Bowling... the list is endless (as is this one)

... Have the ability to save lives

... Ultimately become proud of who I am, and what I have accomplished.

Think it's possible?

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

Are you with me...?

2008-12-03T09:34:00.000+11:00

One simple question... are YOU with me?

Crawling
From the inside
To the other side

Fighting
For the people
Reuniting

So come on, come on
Let it all out, let it all out
I know you can

Together, together
We're stronger as one
Are you with me?

Together, together
We're stronger as one
Are you with me?

We are opening
Up the future
From the chaos of the dark

Living
In the moments
Leading everyone

So come on, come on
Let it all out, let it all out
I know you can

Together, together
We're stronger as one
Are you with me?

Together, together
We're stronger as one
Are you with me?

Squee! My passion has returned!

2008-11-30T16:14:00.005+11:00

Don't you just love it when you feel you have your groove back?

Look out world!

A dream...

2008-11-29T09:33:00.002+11:00

I had a dream about this song last night. I wonder if it means anything...

I will come for you at nighttime
I will raise you from your sleep
I will kiss you in four places
As I go running along your street
I will squeeze the life out of you
You will make me laugh and make me cry
And we will never forget it
You will make me call your name
And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky
And we may never meet again
So shed your skin and let's get started
And you will throw your arms around me
Yeah, you will throw your arms around me
I dreamed of you at nighttime
And I watched you in your sleep
I met you in high places
I touched your head and touched your feet
So if you disappear out of view
You know I will never say goodbye
And though I try to forget it
You will make me call your name
And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky...
And we may never meet again...
So shed your skin and let's get started
And you will throw your arms around me
Yeah, you will throw your arms around me
Oh...yeah...
Ohhh yeah...
You will throw your arms around me...
Yeah, you will throw your arms around me....

And so another day begins in the life of the masquerade...

Where the wild rose grew...

2008-11-28T13:44:00.004+11:00

... When he knocked on my door, and entered the room
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace
He would be my first man, and with a careful hand
He wiped down the tears that ran down my face ...

... On the second day he came with a single red rose
He said: Will you give me your loss and your sorrow?
I nodded my head, as I laid on the bed
If I show you the roses will you follow? ...

... On the third day he took me to the river
He showed me the roses, and we kissed
And the last thing I heard, was a muttered word
As he knelt above me with a rock in his fist ...

One would like to hope for a fourth day. Not now, but in the future would be nice...

My masquerade

2008-11-28T10:29:00.000+11:00

This is me... or is it?

This is my chance to be the person that I want to be, as well as the person that I necessarily... may not want to be. At least in reality anyway.

Just one day is full of thousands of thoughts. Some are incredibly simple, such as what you are going to eat for breakfast, what time the train is that you are going to catch to work, or whether you should eat that booger you've just picked out of your nose because you think you know that nobody is looking. Others are quite complex; what you want to achieve in a day, a year, a lifetime, how you think you fit into the workplace, the family, the world, and why things are apparently always in threes.

I am on a mission that continually changes. More than ninety percent of the time it is me personally that makes such amendments, but on some occasions, it's not. And that's what keeps life interesting. The freedom of writing your words without putting your name to it; that anonymity... it's a fascinating masquerade.

"I think of myself as a grain of sand. You can make a difference. Have you ever walked around with a grain of sand in your shoe? It's not comfortable. What I do is that small, but I do think I have to give it away and I have to give it away beyond my existence." - Bernice Johnson Reagon

Enjoy.